The One With The Ink

I am familiar with tatto since I was born. That because my father had two in his body, a scorpio (his zodiac and mine too), and a girl just like a virgo symbol. I didn't know what's its meaning to my father. Was it a reminder to him, or was it just a result from rebellion phase in his life. All I knew that time is that tattoo related to bad guys, well, that's including my father.

But then I grow up knowing that it is not true. Many people with ink in their bodies I met are good people. Many of thems are the best kind of people I know. And they have tattoo not for just a rebellion symbol, but because it's the way they celebrate their body. Because it's the way they celebrate their lives. By putting their value in the medium of ink and art, on their body.

I always have admiration, THAT much, for ones who have ink in their bodies that has certain meaning or represents how they see their lives. Like a musician guy with a Forte (the music symbol one) tattoo inked in his neck which  does not only mean 'loud', but also 'strong', because that's the way he remind himself to keep being strong in life. *brb naksir* *jadi subyektif*

So, starting with the idea of wanting to have one since 2009, I went to tattoo studio (in Mall Artha Gading, shocking!) last June to have a tiny Lotus inked on my left wrist. And for a bonus, a super tiny love symbol on my right wrist. And I really really love it! Not only because it looks good on my body, but because it's effective as a simple reminder to myself. 

As a lotus that grows in muddy water, it reminds me to keep growing under bad circumtances. To always try to be free from attachment, and rebirth to be a better person whenever bad things happen in my life, even for no reason.

And a love symbol to remind me to always be the one who is full of love, to never give up on love,and to never give up on loving.

Two tiny little tattoos. And just as much as I fall in love with the ink, I find myself fall in love evenmore with myself. I can't wait to have the third! :)

The Lotus

The One Who Loves To See The World

I really love travelling. In fact, I found my passion not on my job nor any other career path, but on this one. Started my very own trip, Bali 101 for Dummies on 2009 as a pure 'turis dari Jakarta', I took the first step of my dream to see the whole world.

Like any other tourist around the world, I love to see tourism spots in every city I visit. From GWK in Bali to the Versailles Palace in Paris, my travelling itinerary is always full of famous place we know from every travelling books. Taking photograph in front of Bag Ends or Eiffel Tower is something that forever listed on my wishlist. But then I understand, the richness of travelling is more than just coming to the famous spot and taking couples of photographs in front of it. It's the feeling of being the one who's living there. That's why, on my ideal trip, I need them both. 

Yes, of course, I need to visit all the famous places and things people used to talk about in every literature, every movie, or even in every daily conversation. I need to see them with my own eyes, so I can tell my version of them.

And also, I need to visit and try to do what local do. Strolling around on the main street, buying street-snacks and then having a little picnic in the park or riverside, hanging out in local cafe, eating out in local restaurant, taking their mass transportation, talking to the locals, anything to mimic the life of the locals. I need to feel to be one of them in order to understand their culture, their value, their way of life and thinking. That's why I hate travelling with travel vendors. Because they eliminate this ultimate experience.

From experiencing all the trips I am blessed to have, I can tell that I couldn't bear to live in Kuala Lumpur, I might be bored after a year in Singapore or a month in Auckland. I really love to live in Melbourne but also fall in love with all the fun that Sydney has to offer. I do think time flies a bit slow in Stuttgart. I agree that Paris is one of best cities in the world with all the beautiful building and all the fun vibes. And I really see myself to spend the retirement age in the most peaceful, somehow feels like heaven on earth, Matamata or Queenstown or any cities in South New Zealand.

Some people might not agree with this kind of passion. "You should save your money for your future not spend it for just present pleasure", they said. But for me, travelling is not just spending money for a mere holiday nor escaping from the routines. Travelling gives me far more than that. The happiness and the excitement to see all the beautiful things God and the mankind have created on this earth. The richness in others cultures and values which can shape wider point of view to understand the life. The survival lesson in living out of the comfort zone which can bring out the creativity and make you stronger and smarter than you are now. The experience and the memory that will stay forever in your life.

So, book a ticket, pack your bag, and let's see the world!

-D

The One Who Can Hardly Wait For July 9th

Berhubung gue ini tipe penulis emosional alias nulis cuma kalo emosi lagi 'tinggi' (kadang malah sengaja nulis buat terapi), dan suasana masa kampanye capres ini sedemikian panasnya sampai emosi gue juga tersentil, akhirnya gue putuskan gue gak sanggup lagi menahan keinginan buat gak sok2an berpolitik dengan menuliskan tentang pemilu capres di blog ini. Beware, this is gonna be a long long post.

Dengan ada kandidat capres yang cuma dua, langsung pemilu sudden death, udah pasti kampanye kedua calon bakalan bunuh-bunuhan banget. Apalagi gue melihatnya, kedua calon ini membawa warna yang beda banget. Capres 1, Pak Bowo, tampil sebagai sosok fighter, dengan background militer yang biasa digeneralisasi dengan sikap tegas, adalah tipe capres yang menjual janji dalam bentuk retorika, dengan tentunya penempatan dia sebagai 'solusi bangsa' yang akan berusahan mengubah nasib rakyat Indonesia menjadi bangsa yang kuat dan ditakuti bangsa lain. Sementara si Capres 2, Om Joko, adalah bukti nyata demokrasi di mana rakyat biasa melalui perjalanan demokrasinya yang terus dipilih rakyat karena kinerja baiknya sehingga akhirnya bisa menjadi calon pemimpin nomor 1 di negara ini. Om Joko sendiri di mata gue adalah tipe capres yang menjual janji dalam bentuk program yang lebih konkrit berupa sistem, yang banyak bercikal bakal dari sistem pernah dia lakukan saat dia memimpin pemerintahan sipil di Solo dan Jakarta. Dengan jargon Revolusi Mental, Om Joko mengusung konsep membangun negara dilakukan oleh kita bersama.

Beda? Aku bilang sih yes banget.

Samanya? Sama-sama gagah bawain janji banyaaaak banget yang kita gak bakal tau bakal kejadian semua apa gak kalo nanti beneran si Bapak ato si Om jadi presiden nanti. Dan seperti layaknya manusia kata Bunda Dorce, sama-sama pasti ada aja salah dan kurangnya.

Terus milihnya gimana?

Terus terang gue awalnya udah agak berat ke Jokowi, secara gue juga milih dia sebagai Gubernur Jakarta karena yakin dengan hasil-hasil kerjanya selama ini. Gue kagum sama duo Jokowi Ahok di Jakarta walau waktunya baru sebentar. Gue suka karakter Jokowi yang banyak kerja dan gak banyak basa basi kayak politikus biasanya. Intinya gue dari dulu suka sama Jokowi (gue tembak aja apa yah? #outoffocus #maapkan).

Sementara itu, Pak Bowo, bukannya gak suka, tapi gimana juga dia berafiliasi dengan '98 yang buat gue adalah sejarah terkelam negara ini yang gue alamin langsung. Mau dia atau Wiranto atau siapapun dalangnya, gue gak akan bisa terima kalau orang yang tangannya pernah ikut kena darah apapun posisinya dia, baik memerintah atau diperintah, akan jadi orang nomor satu negara ini, let alone bawa dia (dan semua yang ikut bertanggung jawab soal '98) ke pengadilan. Mungkin lo bilang gue lebay dan basi dengan masih bawa-bawa isu HAM di sini, tapi '98 itu adalah masa di mana gue sebagai warga negara sangat takut berada di tanah air gue sendiri, karena saat itu gue adalah juga termasuk kaum target kerusuhan '98 itu. Jadi, saat sekarang di mana gue punya hak yang sama dengan semua warga negara Indonesia lainnya, gue akan sangat menghindari buat milih orang yang bisa bikin keadaan kayak '98 lagi. Kalo dibilang give him a second chance, tetep aja gue gak bisa milih orang yg pernah ngelakuin perbuatan (sangat) jahat untuk jadi orang yang punya kuasa nomor saru di negara ini. Karena sekali dia pernah ngelakuin itu, gak akan lebih susah buat dia ngulangin itu lagi, dibandingkan orang yang jelas-jelas gak pernah terlibat kejahatan apapun. Heran aja gue betapa permisifnya orang sini sama isu berat kayak gini. Yang masih berkilah Pak Bowo kan diperintah atasan, coba googling atau ngewiki tentang Nuremberg Principles yang keluar dari pengadilan Nuremberg-nya nazi, di sana dijelasin mau atasan mau kacung kampret pesuruh tetep aja salah kalau emang terbukti ikutan dalam kejahatan kemanusiaan.

Tapi, tapi yah tapi. Gak adil dong kalo gue langsung ngeban Pak Bowo 'CUMA' gara-gara kasus '98. Sebagai bagian dari Kelas Menengah Ngehe (yang mana juga ironisnya lahir setelah reformasi '98, kalo gak mana berani cuap-cuap kayak sekarang lo!), gue dituntut untuk punya alasan yang lebih less-emotional dan menyeluruh terkait agenda yang dibawa kedua capres. Intinya gue harus punya alasan kuat yang kalo diajak debat ama pendukung oposisi gue bakalan tetep menang (Hidup Kelas Menengah Ngehe!).

Nah, ini baru masuk bagian susahnya. Gue harus menganalisa semuanya, yah program, omongan, orang-orang di belakangnya, track recordnya baik prestasi maupun aibnya. Susahnya lagi, gue harus memposisikan sebagai kaum netral (inget pelajaran Fisika Dasar di TPB, netral berarti mengakomodir kedua kutub, camkan itu anak muda apalagi srikandi arjuna ganesha!). So, on being neutral, berarti gue harus cari kelebihan dan kekurang keduanya. Berhubung gue uda nemu banyak kelebihan Om Joko dan kekurangan Pak Bowo, PR gue saat ini adalah mencari sebanyak-banyaknya kekurangan Om Joko dan kelebihan Pak Bowo. Dan cara paling mudahnya adalah melirik isi kepala pendukung Pak Bowo tentu saja!

Nah, ini dia akhirnya yang bikin emosi gue kemudian tersentil. Sayang seribu sayang, susah banget cari jawaban objektif dari pendukung Pak Bowo. Entah ada apa dengan para pendukung Pak Bowo, yang kebanyakan gue dapat malah black campaign mulu, dengan bangganya nyebarin berita hoax. Apa juga susahnya sih googling buat klarifikasi berita yang didapat, terutama berita yg kontroversial dan isinya emang bertujuan buat provokasi? Nah, terus yah terus, gue juga ngeliat kok pendukung Om Joko juga semacam jadi tersulut sama kelakuan mabok-mecin-nya pendukung Pak Bowo, dan mulai keluar defensifnya sampai kok yah jadi ikutan nyebarin berita kompor bleduk juga. Cedih :( 

But anyway, berikut informasi yang gue berhasil kumpulkan, walo agak takut gue tetep gak obyektif dan kurang data, jadi mohon maaf dulu nih yah buat kedua pihak pendukung jangan gebukin gue kalo ada salah-salah kata :( 

1. Pak Bowo

(+) prestasi di kopassus banyak, operasi pembebasan tawanan ini itu. Peduli masyarakat dan olahraga, terutama kuda dan silat. Jadi pembina dan di bawahnya banyak menang gitu ceunah. Kalo gue bilang sih dengan prestasi di sini, doi lebih cocok jadi Menpora ketibang Presiden (#HATERZ!) Prestasinya yang beginian bisa dibaca di lembar prestasi yang dibuat pendukungnya, di sini: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/content_link/MsTcvunW9845NX9KsnFoettvzUehHPrwri2CarknoImyxuuHkRtueCaqTiBljiZU?dl=1

(+) duitnya banyak. Entah ini sisi positif apa negatif, pokoknya duitnya banyak soalnya disokong adiknya yang kayanya selevel Bakrie. Ini berpengaruh banget sama kampanyenya yg beneran berhasil karena kuatnya dukungan dana di belakangnya. 

(+) harusnya gak akan nindas minoritas secara ibu dan adik-adiknya beragama kristen.

(+) pinter orasi. Entah ini juga sisi positif apa negatif, karena yg model begini biasanya gak pernah ketangkap substansinya apaan, tapi karena bawanya seru jadi bisa lebih meyakinkan orang yang gak mau mikir substansi yang penting keywordnya disebut. Kalo kata pendukungnya sih, yang diusung Pak Bowo ini konsep, levelnya di atas, bukan operasional strategi kayak Om Joko. Sayangnya kalo gue minta elaborasi lagi konsep yang dibawa apaan, di mana level strategisnya buat Indonesia, gak ada yg bisa jelasin substansinya. Gak, gue gak nyalahin Pak Bowo, gue nyalahin pendukungnya yg kayaknya baru tau keyword konsep tanpa bisa mengejelasin isinya. 

(+) Gerindra cukup punya nama sebagai parpol yg di masa pemerintahan kemarin paling mendingan. Pernah ngeluarin larangan buat anggotanya ikutan jalan-jalan studi bandingnya DPR sialan itu. #respect

(+) katanya tegas. Karir militernya dinilai bagus (walau tetep diberhentikan kemudian, which makes your argument kinda invalid). Walau pendukungnya gak bisa jelasin tegasnya secara konkrit gimana, dan justru gue yg balik mempertanyakan kalau dia tegas kenapa dia gak tegas melarang pendukungnya buat gak melakukan black campaign selama kampanye. Di mana tegasnya?

(-) kesangkut HAM. Tangannya berdarah. Udah dijelasin panjang lebar di atas.

(-) emosian. Kestabilan emosi buat pemimpin ini penting yah menurut gue. Tanpa harus ngutip baca di artikel ini itu yg nyebutin testimoni dari orang-orang yang pernah ditampar, dilempar asbak, dll sama Pak Bowo, kalian semua juga liat kan kalo emosinya Pak Bowo gampang bener kepancing sama pertanyaan Pakde JK di debat 1. Gak cuma emosi cukup tinggi pas dia jawab pertanyaan Pakde JK, abis itu dia juga mendadak keliatan shaking pas balik mau nanya. Kalo lo anaknya suka emosian kayak gue, pasti tau, shaking itu adalah hasil dari usaha keras lo buat menetralkan emosi yg ud terlanjur keluar dalam waktu instan. Kalian yang nilai. Kalo aku sih yes. #digaplokMasAnang

(-) program-programnya abstrak dan kurang relevan. Oke ini subyektif, tapi sumpah gue berusaha seobyektif mungkin menangkap substansi jawaban dia di setiap debat capres, tapi gue jarang banget dapat jawaban memuaskan. Kenapa penanggulangan korupsi malah naikin gaji PNS? Kenapa ningkatin kesejahteraan rakyat dengan naikin UMR ke 6jt? Kenapa apa aja dijawabnya dengan menutup kebocoran dana tanpa menjelaskan begitu dananya berhasil diselamatkan akan dipakai untuk bangun apa atau buat program apa? Terus kebocoran direvisi jadi kehilangan potensi, yg mana balikin potensi kan butuh tahunan, terus ntar jalanin programnya pake uang yg mana dong? Jadi, apa otak gue yang gak nyampe? Entahlah? #sobekhasiltesIQ

(-) BARISAN PENDUKUNG DI BELAKANG EBUJUBUNENG PENJAHAT SEMUA! Dari cawapresnya Hatta Rajasa yg kena dilaporin kasus mafia migas. Aburizal Bakrie, si calon menteri utama, tukang kemplang pajak yang diaduin Ibu Sri Mulyani sendiri, utang sana-sini gak mau bayar kayak nasabah Bakrie Life yang dananya gak dibayar-bayar sejak berapa tahun lalu, bahkan partner bisnisnya sekelas Rotschild aja ngamuk karena ngerasa ditipu sama dia (coba baca tentang kisruh akhir tukar guling Bumi sama Valar yah, googling sana). Udah gitu, kalo baca artikel bisnis dari luar, ARB ini emang ngetop sebagai pengusaha Indo yg licik. Asli. Terus yah terus, Suryadharma Ali yg kesangkut kasus korupsi DepAg (anjirlah dosanya nih orang kalo beneran korupsi sih) malah dibelain. Terus SPMI digandeng, dan Said Iqbal (oh iyah gue taunya jahatnya orang ini) dijanjiin jadi Menaker. Terus si partai fenomenal PKS dengan segudang kasus-kasus dan tindakan kontroversinya yang dijanjiin sejumlah jabatan menteri strategis, ini diakui Pak Bowo langsung. Belom lagi musuh semua umat yang masih belom jadi zombie (alias masih punya otak sehat di kepalanya), the one and only FPI, yg kata Pak Bowo kalo dia menang, organisasi kayak FPI ini mau dilatih sama TNI sekalian :( :( Oh, kemampuan Pak Bowo bikin organisasi buat defens berbasis massa dari sipil itu masih kuat loh, pernah denger GHIBAS, ormas yang suka dimintain tolong pengusaha buat ngusir serangan buruh? Itu yang bentuk yah Pak Bowo juga. Belom lagi, jajaran ormas dari warna ekstrimisme agamis ini nganggep Pak Bowo jadi panglima perang tertingginya (yg sampe sekarang gue gak ngerti kenapa? Kok bisa? #sobektesIQlagi). Intinya di belakang Pak Bowo nyaris gak ada orang baiknya, dan seremnya, orang-orang ini juga yg bakal mendampingi dan membantu dia menjalankan pemerintahan dia kelak. Help :(

(-) terakhir dan paling penting, Pak Bowo dalam omongan-omongannya baik dalam wawancara atau orasinya, mengindikasikan ketidaksukaannya terhadap demokrasi yang sekarang ada di sini. "Democracy exhausts us", katanya dalam salah satu pidatonya. Juga wawancaranya dengan Allan Nairn yg mengindikasikan ke situ. Ini emang baru asumsi sama kayak asumsi Om Joko bakal jadi Presiden Boneka, tapi asumsi yang ini nyeremin banget. Dan indikasi-indikasi ke sama udah keliatan dari omongannya sendiri. Indikasi kalo dia bakal bawa paham fasisme ke sini. Ayo googling tentang fasis, itu serem banget kalo sampe kejadian, yang adalah sama aja kayak Orba lagi dan cara buat matiinnya adalah dengan kejadian macam '98 lagi. We don't need another '98. In fact, the '98 tragedy should not ever happen again in this peaceful country. Tentang hal ini, bisa baca di artikel bagus dan cukup obyektif ditulis jurnalis Australia, di sini http://inside.org.au/indonesia-on-the-knifes-edge/

(-) kampanyenya menghalalkan segala cara. Photoshop foto orang tanpa ijin. Black campaign sejahat tabloid Obor Rakyat. Bayar ketua Partai Aceh 50M. Sebar surat personal sejumlah 5,3juta surat yg isinya ada duitnya. Yah itu cuma sebagian kecilnya aja.

Udah yah Pak Bowo nya, gue merinding sendiri nih soalnya.

Meanwhile, Om Joko:

(+) kinerjanya udah terbukti oke. Oh, fakta dan data tentang ini banyak banget bertebaran kalo lo gak ignorant. Salah satu yg paling membanggakan adalah dia jadi orang Indonesia satu-satunya yg masuk 50 Pemimpin Terbaik Dunia versi majalah Fortune (yg kalo dibaca, 50 orang itu emang beneran layak disebut terbaik). Kalau mau daftar prestasi Om Joko yg netral, salah satunya bisa liat dari situs kemendagri tentang prestasi 1 tahun pertama Jokowi-Ahok http://www.kemendagri.go.id/news/2013/10/10/ini-hasil-kerja-jokowi-ahok-selama-setahun-pertama 

(+) didukung banyak orang baik. Jubirnya aja Anies Baswedan. Cawapresnya salah satu mantan capres yg dinilai berhasil, Pakde JK. Bu Risma, Faisal Basri, Franz Magnis, Goenawan Mohamad adalah sedikit dari orang2 yg gue hormati yg mendukung Om Joko. Belom lagi orang-orang biasa yg gue hormati isi kepalanya, semuanya mendukung Om Joko. Bahkan kalo Gus Dur masih hidup, gue yakin dia juga merapat ke Jokowi (seperti sikap yg ditunjukkan keluarga Gus Dur saat ini).

(+) orang baik. Ini beneran. At least, di antara politikus-politikus kotor, dia adalah salah satu orang langka yg belum pernah terbukti terlibat kejahatan dalam bentuk apapun. Yg gak setuju dengan statement ini, gue tantang buat nunjukin data dan fakta konkritnya.

(+) liat programnya. E-government buat transparansi di pemerintahan, guna menghindari korupsi. Pembangunan sistem here and there. Liat konsep yg dibawa, revolusi mental. Itu keren, karena mengajak seluruh masyarakat buat ikutan dalam memajukan Indonesia, gak cuma pemerintah, gak cuma dia doang. Pendekatannya yg sering ngomongin sistem memang bahan banget buat diputer sama kubu no.1 menjadi argumen bahwa Om Joko cuma pemimpin level manager, bukan leader. Again, satu argumen yg cuma berdasarkan opini, gak didukung data dan fakta kalo Om Joko gak sanggup jadi leader. (Kalo gue akan bawa lagi, yg masuk 50 Pemimpin Terbaik dunia siapa? manager Joko apa Leader Prabowo?) ohya, visi misi Om Joko bisa diliat di sini http://nasional.kompas.com/read/2014/05/15/0705215/Ini.Visi.Misi.Jokowi.kalau.Jadi.Presiden.

(-) capres dari PDI-P, salah satu partai dengan anggota yg terlibat banyak kasus korupsi, partai dipimpin oleh Bu Mega yg kredibilitasnya sebagai (mantan) pemimpin negara dipertanyakan dengan segala keputusan kontroversialnya saat menjabat sebagai Presiden RI tahun 2001-2004. But then again, partai yg lebih korup, ada di sisi no.1 juga.

(-) disebut-sebut sebagai bonekanya Bu Mega. Yg sayangnya, belum ada bukti dari statement ini. Toh selama jadi Gubernur Jakarta, gak sekalipun Bu Mega terbukti melalukan intervensi barang satu kali pun. Another black campaign, I guess.

(-) kampanyenya gak oke. Gara-gara kebanyakan isinya relawan, gak ada yg terorganisir jadi satu bahasa (gak kayak kubu sebelah). Dan gak sampe ke daerah-daerah terpencil (sementara black campaign dari kubu sebelah sampe ke sana).

(-) katanya melanggar amanah, sumpah menjadi Gubernur Jakarta selama 5 tahun demi ambisinya jadi presiden. Again, another argumen yg gak bisa dipertanggungjawabkan. Toh nyatanya Om Joko jadi capres karena ditunju langsung sama Bu Mega (yg bisa aja sebenernya nyalonin dirinya sendiri instead). Dan soal melanggar amanah, yg ngomong ini entah gimana mikirnya, kan dengan Om Joko jadi presiden, berarti dia tetep jadi pemimpinnya orang Jakarta dan memberikan kesempatan bagi daerah lain untuk dapat berubah menjadi baik seperti Jakarta dan Solo. For the greater good. Tolonglah jangan sesempit itu memandang sesuatu.

Hah! Begitulah uneg-uneg gue terhadap topik hot ini. Masih banyak sebenernya yg sayangnya gak bisa gue tulisin di semua demi menjaga tulisan gak berta sebelah banget. Walaupun ternyata tulisan gue tetep baunya subyektif juga yah. Hahaha. Tapi paling gak, gue udah memberi kesempatan diri gue buat jadi netral at first, dan kemudian memilih berdasarkan semua informasi yg gue kumpulin dari kedua sisi. Logika memilih pembangunan sistem dan manusia daripada menyerahkan pada solusi dalam pribadi 1 orang. Hati nurani lebih takut pada presiden diktator yg gak bisa dikritik daripada presiden bonekanya Bu Mega. Jadi, adalah sesuatu yg sangat mudah buat memilih. To choose to stand on the right side. ✌️#SalamDuaJari

The One With The Basic Lesson of Relationship

I do twitter a lot since 2009, and in 2010 I found my version of the most attractive mind in twitter (they used to be called twitter crush). His name is @jonathanend. I always admire his wittiness, his smart mind, and sometimes, his wise thought. But mostly, I admire on how good he shows those qualities in 140 characters on twitter.

But no, I don't wanna talk about @jonathanend on this post. I wanna talk about his recent series tweets about the basis of relationship which kinda hit me hard in a way.

Joni said (or tweeted) that in a relationship, most people focus on romance and often forget the things that is more important in love: stability and security. He even sharply gave metaphor about F1 car. That people crave for the speed (romance), and somehow forget about the preparation behind that speed. The fact is, the team must make sure that the F1 engine is able to work for a long run race. That's stability. The team must also put all efforts to make sure the driver will be safe when riding the car. And that's security. 

Joni also said, romance involves with feelings, which do not have logical reasoning that stability and security can give. That's why, we should not put the romance first as the basis of every relationship. For it will make you blind to see whether you already have stability and security to ride the car or not.

Stability requires not-too-many-or-too-often ups and downs. Remember that rollercoaster is only meant for a short period of time. Nobody can ever ride it for a long time. Of course, stability is needed when you're talking about money (admit it, no one can't live without it if you still live on the earth). But the most important thing is that you are surronded with emotional-stable environment. It doesn't take a genius to know that crazy people will only drive you crazy. 

So, what do you need to have stability? I would say, the bridge to stabilize the ups and the downs. It's called compromise. And compromise is a fruit of communication. That you will talk wide open about everything from every sides and do your best efforts to do the win-win solution for both sides. Compromise is the engine to make it a long run race.

Obviously, security requires safe-feelings. It's like the thing that makes sure to keep all together and make the driver still confident to ride the car. Like the seat belts on your car, or helmet while you're riding a motorcycle. Security is formed by commitment and trust you gained from significant enough amount of the communications, of the compromises, of the efforts. Commitment and trust are the things that make you to feel safe and ready to do this for a loooong time. It's the mindset.

Otherwise, romance, or sometimes formed as passion, is shitty thing. The one that blinds people with beautiful sparks and amazing feeling like butterflies fluttering in your stomach. It makes you feel like hallucinating after eating the magic mushroom. Yes, sometimes it makes you beautifully sad, and sometimes it makes you incredibly happy. And in the end, it makes you to always crave for it. But the hard truth is, romance can not live long if you let it stands alone. By the time gone, the sparks will fade away, and those butterflies will die. Feeling alone is one of those things that will keep inevitably changing. That's the moment when the relationship die.

So, whenever you want to settle for a family, a job, a friendship, or obviously, a love relationship, consider the stability and security first before you drown yourself in the pool of romance. Put your logical reasoning first before romance attacks you with their fire. Because, if you really love something, you will make the efforts and set it for a long run. And by then, of course you will be ready to do the ride beautifully with romance.

Aahhh.. If only I could realise all these things 5 years ago, I might not have wasting 4 years of my life building romance, based on nothing. :)

-D

The One With The 'It' Question

I had my birthday a week ago and finally reached the age where people were so worry about my lovelife over all others things I need to accomplish. Some wished that I’ll finally find the one pretty much soon (which I replied, AMEN broda and sista!), some wished that I’ll be married like the others soon (allright!), and some even talked to me about why am I being too picky or what am I waiting for on this kind of age (say WHAAAT?).

I said, it’s not about being too picky. It’s not about waiting for The Whole Package Prince Charming to come get me. It’s about finding the one you will spend your life with, of course I am being picky, because I am gonna make sure that that one is gonna be the one I can always talk to, I can always relate to, I can always see that we stand on the same level.

That’s why I am so confused if someone try to advise me with “Yauda sih, lo sama itu aja, seagama kan, tunggu apa lagi?”. Well, it’s not that I belittle the religion, I know it’s important to have a life partner with same religion, trust me I learned the hard way. But there is more than just having the same religion. It’s having the similar conscious level or value. Because it will determine how you two are gonna live your life together and how you two put yourself around each other.

I saw many relationships struggle a lot because the differences of conscious level or value. It still could be done, but in my opinion, why am I gonna marry a partner who gives me no better life nor happiness than when I was as a single one?

Talking about lovelife in this kind of age is more than talking about physical looks, romantic stuffs he/she do for you, or ‘love/lust’ feeling you have when you are with him/her. He/she might have the great look, great style, great family background, romantic as hell like all of Nicholas Sparks’s books combined, and you might be infatuated by him/her the minute he/she walk in to your life. But then the minute you two are talking, you find nothing in common, and more than nothing after many meaningless 'kamu uda makan? makan apa?' conversations you take to confirm it. If after many convos all you have to describe him/her are good looking, nice and sweet to you, well goodluck with that, because the look become less and less when you get older, and nice and sweet could be just a mere skin. You must find the core value. And check it whether it compatible to you.

My best friends all told me that I have a super high standard and it will make me hard to find the one. In fact, I thought that I have an unusual core value that makes it hard to find one with similar level. Yes, it's never easy. But will I compromise that? Hhh, I think I'll take my chances for now.

Jadi, kapan nikah?

Well, instead of asking me the famous 'it' question, why don't you wish a very goodluck for me tho? ^^

-D

 

The One Who Passed One Great Trip Around The Sun

Another trip around the sun has passed, once again. So many things happened in the last one year. But the most thing to be grateful is that I finally reached that so called turning point along the way. Well, after so many false (or maybe we should call it a minor) turning point, I guess this one is really the one turning point that completely change my direction on how to live this life.

With maybe so many grammatical error I’d be making on this writing, I’m gonna try to tell you how this previous trip turned my life around, here.

A year ago, started with a rough birthday with the old me still trying to fight the feeling knowing my heart would have broken again. A feeling I used to have when I was with him and always happened to be true. And it was proven true once again in the next couple days. So then I said goodbye to the what have become my obsession for these past years. And this time, because I had enough way too much, it was for good.

How cliché it might sound, I got my turning point over a romantic reason. After that day, I found that the only way to have a real happiness is to be happy on your own, not by finally getting your obsession. That was something people always said, right? To be happy on your own? To control your own happiness by detaching it on something/someone except yourself and what you can do? Well, I myself read it often somewhere somehow but I’d never finally do that until this point.

Funny is, along the way to take control my own happiness, I found another life’s treasure. It was just like the path that I, as a human, was born to take and to walk to understand what life really is. Oh, so deep it becomes unbelievable I know, but please bear to hear this story until the end.

At first, number one, I found that in order to have and to keep my own happiness I need my milestones, my checking point to keep my life from the let-it-flow (yeah, let it flow like water while water is always flowing to the downside). A list from What-You-Can-Do to make your life fulfilled. 

What you can do is the keyword. It must be something that you and only you that could make it happens. Miles to travel, places to see, things to buy, tasks to wrap up, a job you can be happy to spend the days with, a good career, people you want to give some happiness, things to know, things to understand, things to share. I kept and still keep making list after list and checking it everyday to find that I always have something to be grateful of. So I can close the day with peace and happiness within. 

After making list of my milestones, number two, I found the most important milestone to do in order to all the lists. To discover the only most important thing-myself. Discovering who I am by knowning what I love, why am I doing what I am doing now, how I become the one I am now, and what kind of person do I want to be.

I found another treasure in this phase, to discover youself means you’d be able to control your negative side and also able to accept something you don’t like and make peace by agree to disagree. For example, I discovered myself that I am a natural born judgmental bitch who can judge anything anyone anywhere anytime, but I also don’t wanna be the person who hurts people who didn’t do anything to me. So then I knew I have to keep it to myself for I know that when I share my judgment (which is not always true), I can hurt some people along the way. That scores for controlling the negative side. And then because my judgment of people, I found that everyone is unique for what they choose to be, and it’s okay because at the end people will get along with people with similar choices naturally, so why bother to force your choice to others which is different, why bother to force what comes naturally, why bother to force the universe? And that scores for make peace by agree to disagree.

And at last, after the milestones and myself, I found that happiness, eventhough it is in your hand, there is one thing that will help a lot on getting it. It’s surrounding yourself with positive people. Why? Because positive and constructive people will help you to understand the number one and number two and maybe help you to achieve it. While destructive people are just gonna make you forget your number one and number two by drowning you into their negativity and then turning you into one of them.

So yeah, that’s all my treasure I found on my previous trip which makes me feel so much better than I was a year ago. And I can’t wait to find another treasures on my next trip around the sun, starting today.

Well, I hope this one is gonna be another hell of fun and great journey too!

-D

The One With Black And White And Gray World

Sejak kemarin, ada berita tentang penangkapan pejabat pemerintah oleh KPK yang cukup menarik perhatian gue. Kenapa menarik? Karena tersangkanya adalah alumni, dosen, dan Guru Besar ITB dengan gelar professor dari Jerman, dengan profesi sebagai akademisi dan pengamat perminyakan, dan pernah menjabat sebagai Wakil Menteri Energi dan Sumber Daya Mineral belum lama ini. Saat ditangkap, Om Rudi Rubiandini menjabat sebagai Kepala SKK Migas, yang salah satu tugasnya melakukan pengawasan dan urus mengurus kontrak/tender pengadaan dan penjualan minyak yang tidak dikonsumi oleh negara. Om Rudi banyak dipuji oleh kalangan perminyakan, 7 bulan menjabat Kepala SKK Migas, Om Rudi berhasil meningkatkan produksi minyak nasional bahkan mencapai target yang ditetapkan dalam APBN, hal yang belum pernah terjadi selama 3 tahun terakhir. 

This is the perfect picture of ITB's Alumni. Temen gue yang kerja di bidang perminyakan bilang, He was a hero. Yah, he was. Until he was found accepting 700.000 USD bribe from his vendor. Om Rudi sendiri menyatakan bahwa dia tidak melakukan korupsi, hanya menerima gratifikasi. Dan temen gue tetep bilang, he was a hero. Dan gue tetep bilang, not again.

Temen gue bilang, di bidang perminyakan gratifikasi seperti itu adalah hal biasa. Dia yang baru bekerja selama 5 tahun saja bisa mendapatkan gratifikasi sebesar Avanza setelah proyek berakhir, jika dia mau. Bukan suap, toh diberikan setelah proyek berakhir, bukan sebelum tender dilaksanakan.

Buat gue pribadi, segala jenis gratifikasi yah gak sepantasnya diterima. Yah, okelah, mungkin gak fair pernyataan ini keluar dari mulut bocah yang pekerjaannya emang jauh dari godaan gratifikasi. Paling jauh juga dibawain sekardus donat sama Vendor, yang langsung dibuka dan dibagi-bagi ke seluruh penghuni kantor. Ini yang biasa terjadi di area kerjaan gue. Dan mungkin yang biasa terjadi di area kerjaan Om Rudi adalah nerima duit banyak dari Vendor. 

Tapi, apakah ada orang yang menganggap Om Rudi tidak bersalah? Mungkin aja. Mungkin aja, ini adalah yang biasa terjadi di area sana, sehingga hal ini bukan menjadi suatu 'perbuatan salah' lagi. Toh siapa juga yang gak pengen duit. Percaya deh, saat seseorang dihadapkan pada sebuah kejadian yang biasa terjadi, dan godaannya sangat menyenangkan, pada satu titik our greedy-human-sense akan keluar dan menjustifikasi bahwa 'kebiasaan' itu bukan hal yang salah. "Ah, biasa kok, namanya rejeki, toh gue dapetnya fair tanpa berbuat curang", begitu mungkin cara kita mendamaikan si malaikat di hati kita yang tadinya terus menolak. Cuma hero beneran yang bisa menolak perbuatan salah walaupun udah jadi kebiasaan.

Kebiasaan. Hal-hal salah menjadi benar karena biasa terjadi. Nilai, prinsip, idealisme bisa terkikis gara-gara kebiasaan. Biasa janjian ngaret, biasa bohong, biasa selingkuh, biasa ngejelekin orang, biasa buang sampah sembarangan, biasa masuk jalur busway, biasa gak ngantri. Semuanya menjadi terasa benar karena biasa. Batas hitam dan putih menjadi saru karena biasa. Gila yah.

Ini gue sotoy sih, dan since benar dan salah itu emang relatif, tapi ini checklist gue buat ngecek apa yang gue lakukan benar atau salah adalah dengan mengecek hal-hal ini:

1. yang gue lakukan mengambil hak orang lain gak? paling sadis itu yang menyakiti hati orang lain, karena itu berarti gue mengambil hak dia buat bahagia.
2. yang gue lakukan jika dilakukan semua orang bakal menyebabkan kekacauan gak? gue buang sampah sembarangan keluar mobil, udah biasa banget soalnya, terus semua orang buang sampah sembarangan keluar mobilnya juga, terus mau jadi apa jalanan kita? Yakin masih tetep baik-baik aja?
3. apa sih gue siap dengan aftermath dari yang gue lakukan ini? gue nerima hadiah uang dari vendor, coba pikir apa iya ke depannya gak bakal ada yang berubah dari hidup gue? Dengan hadiahnya, si vendor berarti udah menanam bibit di hidup gue. A bad deed. Yang jika suatu saat dia mau mengambil hasil bibitnya, apa gue udah siap dengan membayarnya?

Kalo jawaban no 1 dan 2 adalah gak, dan jawaban no 3 adalah gue gak siap, that means I'm doing wrong. 

Sebenarnya hal ini terlintas di pikiran gue juga karena refleksi diri sendiri juga. Right now, I realised I was doing wrong with gossiping about some people, and still is. Not proud of what I'm doing, and will continue to accept that I did and still do something wrong without reasoning that this is a common thing, that this is just a 'kebiasaan' people do, until I actually stop it. Susah sih berhentiinnya, apalagi kalau itu adalah cara buat nyambung di lingkungan pergaulan. But I might hurt some people with doing this. And taking someone's other happiness is very not a cool thing to do.  

Tapi yah, paling gak dengan checklist gue tadi gue tau gue salah, gak berniat buat justifikasi juga, sambil terus berjanji dan berusaha suatu saat gue akan berhenti melakukan si hitam satu ini. Begitu juga dengan perbuataan hitam lainnya.

Don't ever defend a bad thing because it's a common thing. A bad thing is still bad thing, no matter how we twist it. Just accept it, apologize if you need, live the consequences if you have, make a mend if you must, and try your ass off to not do it again in the future.

I am not a hero. I never was. And so does Om Rudi now.

-D