The One With The 'It' Question

I had my birthday a week ago and finally reached the age where people were so worry about my lovelife over all others things I need to accomplish. Some wished that I’ll finally find the one pretty much soon (which I replied, AMEN broda and sista!), some wished that I’ll be married like the others soon (allright!), and some even talked to me about why am I being too picky or what am I waiting for on this kind of age (say WHAAAT?).

I said, it’s not about being too picky. It’s not about waiting for The Whole Package Prince Charming to come get me. It’s about finding the one you will spend your life with, of course I am being picky, because I am gonna make sure that that one is gonna be the one I can always talk to, I can always relate to, I can always see that we stand on the same level.

That’s why I am so confused if someone try to advise me with “Yauda sih, lo sama itu aja, seagama kan, tunggu apa lagi?”. Well, it’s not that I belittle the religion, I know it’s important to have a life partner with same religion, trust me I learned the hard way. But there is more than just having the same religion. It’s having the similar conscious level or value. Because it will determine how you two are gonna live your life together and how you two put yourself around each other.

I saw many relationships struggle a lot because the differences of conscious level or value. It still could be done, but in my opinion, why am I gonna marry a partner who gives me no better life nor happiness than when I was as a single one?

Talking about lovelife in this kind of age is more than talking about physical looks, romantic stuffs he/she do for you, or ‘love/lust’ feeling you have when you are with him/her. He/she might have the great look, great style, great family background, romantic as hell like all of Nicholas Sparks’s books combined, and you might be infatuated by him/her the minute he/she walk in to your life. But then the minute you two are talking, you find nothing in common, and more than nothing after many meaningless 'kamu uda makan? makan apa?' conversations you take to confirm it. If after many convos all you have to describe him/her are good looking, nice and sweet to you, well goodluck with that, because the look become less and less when you get older, and nice and sweet could be just a mere skin. You must find the core value. And check it whether it compatible to you.

My best friends all told me that I have a super high standard and it will make me hard to find the one. In fact, I thought that I have an unusual core value that makes it hard to find one with similar level. Yes, it's never easy. But will I compromise that? Hhh, I think I'll take my chances for now.

Jadi, kapan nikah?

Well, instead of asking me the famous 'it' question, why don't you wish a very goodluck for me tho? ^^

-D

 

The One Who Passed One Great Trip Around The Sun

Another trip around the sun has passed, once again. So many things happened in the last one year. But the most thing to be grateful is that I finally reached that so called turning point along the way. Well, after so many false (or maybe we should call it a minor) turning point, I guess this one is really the one turning point that completely change my direction on how to live this life.

With maybe so many grammatical error I’d be making on this writing, I’m gonna try to tell you how this previous trip turned my life around, here.

A year ago, started with a rough birthday with the old me still trying to fight the feeling knowing my heart would have broken again. A feeling I used to have when I was with him and always happened to be true. And it was proven true once again in the next couple days. So then I said goodbye to the what have become my obsession for these past years. And this time, because I had enough way too much, it was for good.

How cliché it might sound, I got my turning point over a romantic reason. After that day, I found that the only way to have a real happiness is to be happy on your own, not by finally getting your obsession. That was something people always said, right? To be happy on your own? To control your own happiness by detaching it on something/someone except yourself and what you can do? Well, I myself read it often somewhere somehow but I’d never finally do that until this point.

Funny is, along the way to take control my own happiness, I found another life’s treasure. It was just like the path that I, as a human, was born to take and to walk to understand what life really is. Oh, so deep it becomes unbelievable I know, but please bear to hear this story until the end.

At first, number one, I found that in order to have and to keep my own happiness I need my milestones, my checking point to keep my life from the let-it-flow (yeah, let it flow like water while water is always flowing to the downside). A list from What-You-Can-Do to make your life fulfilled. 

What you can do is the keyword. It must be something that you and only you that could make it happens. Miles to travel, places to see, things to buy, tasks to wrap up, a job you can be happy to spend the days with, a good career, people you want to give some happiness, things to know, things to understand, things to share. I kept and still keep making list after list and checking it everyday to find that I always have something to be grateful of. So I can close the day with peace and happiness within. 

After making list of my milestones, number two, I found the most important milestone to do in order to all the lists. To discover the only most important thing-myself. Discovering who I am by knowning what I love, why am I doing what I am doing now, how I become the one I am now, and what kind of person do I want to be.

I found another treasure in this phase, to discover youself means you’d be able to control your negative side and also able to accept something you don’t like and make peace by agree to disagree. For example, I discovered myself that I am a natural born judgmental bitch who can judge anything anyone anywhere anytime, but I also don’t wanna be the person who hurts people who didn’t do anything to me. So then I knew I have to keep it to myself for I know that when I share my judgment (which is not always true), I can hurt some people along the way. That scores for controlling the negative side. And then because my judgment of people, I found that everyone is unique for what they choose to be, and it’s okay because at the end people will get along with people with similar choices naturally, so why bother to force your choice to others which is different, why bother to force what comes naturally, why bother to force the universe? And that scores for make peace by agree to disagree.

And at last, after the milestones and myself, I found that happiness, eventhough it is in your hand, there is one thing that will help a lot on getting it. It’s surrounding yourself with positive people. Why? Because positive and constructive people will help you to understand the number one and number two and maybe help you to achieve it. While destructive people are just gonna make you forget your number one and number two by drowning you into their negativity and then turning you into one of them.

So yeah, that’s all my treasure I found on my previous trip which makes me feel so much better than I was a year ago. And I can’t wait to find another treasures on my next trip around the sun, starting today.

Well, I hope this one is gonna be another hell of fun and great journey too!

-D