But no, I don't wanna talk about @jonathanend on this post. I wanna talk about his recent series tweets about the basis of relationship which kinda hit me hard in a way.
Joni said (or tweeted) that in a relationship, most people focus on romance and often forget the things that is more important in love: stability and security. He even sharply gave metaphor about F1 car. That people crave for the speed (romance), and somehow forget about the preparation behind that speed. The fact is, the team must make sure that the F1 engine is able to work for a long run race. That's stability. The team must also put all efforts to make sure the driver will be safe when riding the car. And that's security.
Joni also said, romance involves with feelings, which do not have logical reasoning that stability and security can give. That's why, we should not put the romance first as the basis of every relationship. For it will make you blind to see whether you already have stability and security to ride the car or not.
Stability requires not-too-many-or-too-often ups and downs. Remember that rollercoaster is only meant for a short period of time. Nobody can ever ride it for a long time. Of course, stability is needed when you're talking about money (admit it, no one can't live without it if you still live on the earth). But the most important thing is that you are surronded with emotional-stable environment. It doesn't take a genius to know that crazy people will only drive you crazy.
So, what do you need to have stability? I would say, the bridge to stabilize the ups and the downs. It's called compromise. And compromise is a fruit of communication. That you will talk wide open about everything from every sides and do your best efforts to do the win-win solution for both sides. Compromise is the engine to make it a long run race.
Obviously, security requires safe-feelings. It's like the thing that makes sure to keep all together and make the driver still confident to ride the car. Like the seat belts on your car, or helmet while you're riding a motorcycle. Security is formed by commitment and trust you gained from significant enough amount of the communications, of the compromises, of the efforts. Commitment and trust are the things that make you to feel safe and ready to do this for a loooong time. It's the mindset.
Otherwise, romance, or sometimes formed as passion, is shitty thing. The one that blinds people with beautiful sparks and amazing feeling like butterflies fluttering in your stomach. It makes you feel like hallucinating after eating the magic mushroom. Yes, sometimes it makes you beautifully sad, and sometimes it makes you incredibly happy. And in the end, it makes you to always crave for it. But the hard truth is, romance can not live long if you let it stands alone. By the time gone, the sparks will fade away, and those butterflies will die. Feeling alone is one of those things that will keep inevitably changing. That's the moment when the relationship die.
So, whenever you want to settle for a family, a job, a friendship, or obviously, a love relationship, consider the stability and security first before you drown yourself in the pool of romance. Put your logical reasoning first before romance attacks you with their fire. Because, if you really love something, you will make the efforts and set it for a long run. And by then, of course you will be ready to do the ride beautifully with romance.
Aahhh.. If only I could realise all these things 5 years ago, I might not have wasting 4 years of my life building romance, based on nothing. :)
-D
